Two Stages in Marriage

According to Torah law, marriage is a two-step process. The first stage is called “kiddushin,” and the second step is known as “nisu’in.” Kiddushin is commonly translated as betrothal, but actually renders the bride and groom full-fledged husband and wife. After this point, if they decided to part ways, a “get” (Jewish divorce) would be required. However, the bride and groom are not permitted to live together as husband and wife until the second stage, the nisu’in, is completed.

Kiddushin:

According to Torah law, there are three ways to betroth a woman:

a)   A money transaction. The man gives to the woman money or any object of value.

b)   A document. The man gives the woman a marriage document which states his intention to marry her.

c)   Sexual intercourse with the intention that it consummates the marriage. (However, the rabbis forbade betrothing though intercourse, making it a punishable offence).

In order for the betrothal to take effect, the transaction must be witnessed by two kosher witnesses.

The common custom is to betroth by means of a money transaction, using the traditional wedding band to effect the kiddushin. Aside for the kabbalistic reasons for this tradition, there is also a practical explanation — a ring serves as a constant and highly visible reminder of the couple’s wedding commitment. Additionally, most possessions owned by husband or wife end up belonging to the “family” and are enjoyed by all members of the household. Using a ring to transact the marriage assures that the item will belong exclusively to the wife.

Nisu’in:

The nisu’in is accomplished through “chupah” — the husband uniting with the wife under one roof for the sake of marriage.

In ancient times, the two stages of marriage were done on separate occasions, often separated by a full year which the groom would devote to Torah study. Both the kiddushin and the nisu’in were accompanied by celebratory feasts. By the twelfth century this practice had ended, and it became customary to do both kiddushin and nisu’in, successively, beneath the chupah. One of the reasons given for this change of custom is the poverty which prevailed in the Jewish communities. People simply couldn’t afford the expense of the two celebrations.